What does Gay Night Life provide?
Mike O'Connor
11/8/20263 min read
Lets talk theory and practice. I like applying a lot of academic concepts to every day use. In Affordance Theory, James Gibson wrote about perception. And that a lot of meaning was already out in the world and was a relational aspect between objects and people. Simplified, we see the affordances and they elicit behavior. Like a cup is holdable, a ball kickable, a chair sitable. Those objcts afford those actions. And I've been thinking how that relates to going to gay bars or parties. What do these environments afford? A club affords meeting new people, a dance space is danceable, a gay environment affords freedom of self. Years ago I questioned what I was aiming to get out of going to parties, and I realized I look for intimacy. That can be achieved by hanging with my good friends, having a hook up, or meeting a couple or bonding with a straight guy that was there. I could satisfy intimacy in a variety of ways.
But Gibson also writes about affordances of interfaces or surfaces, not just clean objects. Like when water and air meet, then we have waves. And a wave is much harder to interact with than a cup. I was thinking of that metaphor as it could relate to going to a gay party. I may want to interact with people, what the party affords, but the interfaces are changing, they're dynamic. Do you dance next to someone and wait for the right moment to talk. Do you spend time with others but then you might look unavailable. If you spend time alone to be free and meet others? The wave metaphor is a good one. You can't control how the environment will shape the surfaces of interaction. The outing is an experience, not just an object, so theorizing it stretches the definition a bit of affordances, but I think when we're conditioned to approach interactions in specific ways, when we reach ambiguous set ups, set ups with many possibilities, it can be freeing, but also confusing.
We may leave feeling not that we kicked a ball or sat on a chair, but rather sat on a ball and kicked a chair. We had certain intentions or wanted our behavior to coincide with specific expectations, but the environment didn't provide the right conditions. We think we're going to interact with the affordances of the party, the dance floor, drinks, conversations, but it's constantly moving. The drink line is too long. You can't find your friend, and you end up surfing the wave when you had intended to float and watch fish. I think of the scene from Heated Rivalry where Ilya went out to a bar for one reason and then accidentally sees Shane, someone he didn't want to interact with that night. We’ve been there. Sometimes the environment affords connection, but not in the form you expected. And maybe that’s the part that’s hardest to notice while you’re in it. Gay spaces can afford sex, friendship, flirting, dancing, attention, intimacy, rejection, awkwardness, all at once. Maybe the confusion comes from entering with one script while the environment keeps offering ten others. So maybe the question isn’t only ‘what does this party afford?’ but ‘what am I actually available for tonight?' As gay men, we often don't get to play this interaction with gay friendly environments all day, every day. We wait for the weekend, when a bar or party might help us feel safe to do what others might get the chance to do all the time. This comes with a lot of pressure. It can be distracting, trying to fulfill so many needs in just a few hours. I don't know if Gibson would have any theory to help gay guys out. It seems we have to self articulate our own perception of a changing environment and come to terms is this gay party "object" affording me the actions I'm longing for.
